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Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy by Helen Fielding - Free download as PDF File .pdf), Text File .txt) or read online for free. Bridget Jones is back! When Helen. Read online or Download Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy (Full PDF ebook with essay, research pap. The Edge of Reason. Bridget Jones (Series). Book 2. Helen Fielding Author Rosalyn Landor Narrator (). cover image of Mad About the Boy.

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You know where we are if you need us, Tom said. Any time, day or night. Thinking about authentic, rational communication, have decided to call Roxster and tell him about the nits.

Though it is a bit late. Also unannounced switch from texting to telephonic communication with Roxster too dramatic: Will text instead. You are hopeless at lying even via text. Are you having an affair with a younger man? Its related to your love of the natural world and its insect life. Am in Camden. Ive googled them.

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Theyre allergic to testosterone. Am really going to get down to work on presenta- tion of my script, which is an updating of the famous Norwegian tragedy Hedda Gabbler by Anton Chekhov, only set in Queens Park.

But maybe all that is about to be put right! Imperative to concentrate. Just made coffee and ate remains of childrens breakfast, then started mooning about remembering things from Roxster visit last night: The way his face looks when hes on top of me, the stubble on the beautiful jawline, the slight gap in his front teeth, which you can only see from below, those beefy naked shoulders. Oh God, he is so beautiful and such a great kisser, and such a great.

Mmm, mmm. Right, must think about the feminist, pre- and anti-feminist, themes in. Oh God, though. It is so delicious, it makes me so happy, like Im in a bubble of happiness. Right, must get on. Suddenly burst out laughing, remembering overblown mid-sex conversation last night.

Oh, oh, oh, youre so hard. Hard because I want you, baby. So hard. You make me hard, baby. Then, for some reason, I got carried away and gasped, You make ME hard. We both collapsed in giggles and then we had to start all over again.

Typically, in his cheerful manner, Roxster seemed unworried by the nits, though we both agreed that in order to have Responsible Sex, we must nit-comb each other rst.

Roxster was so funny, combing my hair, pretending to nd and eat the nits, whilst inter- mittently kissing the back of my neck. When it was my turn to nit-comb Roxster, however, did not want to draw attention to my age by putting on reading glasses, so ended up studiously nit- combing his gorgeous thick hair, without being able to see anything at all.

Fortunately Roxster seemed too keen to get it over with and into the bedroom for him to notice my blindness. And was prob- ably ne because of his testosterone. But surely it is not normal to be too vain to put on your reading glasses to nit-comb your toy boy? My script! You see, Hedda Gabbler is really very relevant to the modern woman because it is about the perils of trying to live through men.

Why hasnt Roxster texted me yet?

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Hope it is not because of the insect incident. Chloe, who has been working for me since just after it happened, is like the improved version of me: Nevertheless, consider it better that Roxster does not meet either Chloe or the children at this stage, so he hides in the bedroom until they have all gone off to school.

Roxster was just happily tucking into his rst bowl of muesli, when he spat his mouthful out onto the table. Obviously am used to this sort of thing, though not, admittedly, from Roxster. But then he held out the bowl. The muesli was jumping with tiny insects, ailing and drowning in the milk. Are they nits?

I said aghast. No, he said darkly, weevils. Unfortunately my response was to start giggling. Have you any idea what its like to put a spoonful of insects in your mouth? I could have died.

Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy by Helen Fielding

And, more importantly, so could they. Then, just as he was tipping the bowl into the correct food recycling bin, he cried, Ants! There was a neat line of ants coming from the basement door to the food recycling bin. When he tried to move back the curtain to get rid of them, a small cloud of moths uttered out. Its like the Nine Plagues of Egypt in here!

And even though he laughed, and gave me a very sexy kiss in the hall, he did not say anything about impending weekend and I have a feeling something is wrong even if only the combined insult to his three great loves: Is noon already and have not prepared any of my Thoughts.

Still Roxster has not texted. Maybe I should text him? Hedda Gabbler. Just texted: Will have entire house and occupants fumigated for your next visit. Are you all right? Roxster has not replied. Roxster has still not replied. This is not like Roxster. Maybe will check emails.

Sometimes Roxster switches electronic mediums just to show off. Nicolette Martinez Subject: Atticuss shoes Atticus came home wearing Luigis shoe but his other shoe is also not his nor is it labelled. I would appreciate the return of both of Atticuss shoes, both of which were clearly labelled. Decided to join in group exchange to show solidarity and take mind off work.

Bridget Billymum Subject: Atticuss shoes Just to clarify - did Atticus and Luigi go home from swimming just wearing one shoe each? Hee hee, have triggered funny mass email response: Billys ear Billy came home from football last night wearing only one ear.

Does anyone have Billys other ear? Tee hee.

Billys ear Some parents appear to think that the boys taking care of their own property and the parents clearly labelling it is a matter for amusement. It is actually important for their development as self- reliant individuals. Perhaps if it was their childs shoes which were missing they would take a different view. Oh no, oh no. Have offended Class Mother and prob- ably horried everyone else as well. Will send direct mass apology. Atticuss shoes, Billys ears, etc.

Im sorry, Nicorette. I was trying to write and bored and just joking. Am very bad. Bridget Jones Bridget - Possibly the misspelling of my name was a Freudian slip. I think we all know you struggle with the occasional smoking lapse.

If it was intentional it was hurtful and rude. Perhaps we need to talk all this through with the head of Pastoral Care. NicoLette Shit! I called her Nicorette! Dont dig yourself in further. Just leave it now and concentrate!

This is ridiculous! All the class mothers hate me and Roxster has not replied. Slumped at kitchen table. No going over to the dark side. Grazina the Cleaner will be here any second and she cant see me like this. Will leave a note re insect plague and go to Starbucks. In Starbucks now with ham-and-cheese panini. Huge gaggles of posh mothers with prams have taken cafe over, talking really loudly about their husbands.

Is so noisy in here. Hate people who talk on their phones in cafes ooh, phone, maybe Roxster! Was Jude, clearly in meeting, whispering furtively, Bridget. Vile Richard has totally fallen for Isabella. Whos Isabella? I whispered urgently back. The girl we made up on PlentyofFish. Vile Richards xed to have a date with her tomorrow.

But she isnt real. Shes me.

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Hes arranged to meet me, I mean her, at the Shadow Lounge and shes going to stand him up. Brilliant, I whispered, as Jude said bossily, So just put a stop order of two million yen at a hundred and twenty-ve and wait for the quarterly prots.

Then whispered, And simultaneously, the guy I met on DatingSingleDoctors is meeting me the actual me two blocks away at the Soho Hotel. I said, confusedly.

I know, right? Roxster still has not texted. Cannot concentrate. Am going home. Got home to nd terrifyingly pungent old-lady smell. Grazina had diligently followed my scribbled instructions, thrown all the food away, cleaned and sprayed everything and put mothballs in and behind any conceivable entry or exit to all oorboards, walls, doors or items of furniture. No moth could live through this or, crucially, toy boy. There is bang, clatter and voices of everyone coming home. Is Friday night, is time for Chloe to leave and have not prepared my Thoughts.

How could Roxster not respond? Even though my last text was a question. Or was it? Will just check my last text again. There was not only a question, an ending of text with a question, but an undeniably presumptuous presumption that I would see Roxster again. Went downstairs, attempting to conceal meltdown from Billy and Mabel who fortunately, as is weekend, were absorbed respectively in Plants vs. Zombies and Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 whilst simultaneously heating up spag bog actually spag cheese without spag as Grazina has thrown away all the pasta.

Finally, when supper was over, something about loading the dishwasher made me crack and send Roxster a fraudulently cheery text saying: Realized was irresponsible and lazy parenting, but decided not as bad as emotional damage inicted by awareness of melting-down mother over someone closer in age to Gaaah! Is Roxster actually closer in age to Mabel than me? No, but I think he might be to Billy. What am I thinking? No wonder he has stopped texting.

Still no text. Able, at last, to free-fall into well of misery, insecurity, emotional-pillow-pulled-from-under-feet, etc. The thing about going out with a younger man is that it makes you feel that you have miraculously turned back time.

Sometimes, when were on the chair in the bathroom, and I catch sight of us in the mirror, I just cant believe this is me, doing this with Roxster, at my age.

But now its gone away I have burst like a bubble. Am I just using the whole thing to block existential despair about growing old, and the fear that maybe Im going to have a stroke, and what would happen to Billy and Mabel? It was worse when they were babies. Had constant dread that I would spontaneously die in the night, or fall down the stairs, and no one would come, and they would be left alone, and end up eating me.

But then as Jude pointed out, Its better than dying alone and being eaten by an Alsatian. Must remember what it says in Zen and the Art of Falling in Love: Also, when Zen students sit on the Cushion they make friends with Loneliness, which is different from Aloneness. Loneliness is Transience and the way that people we love come into our lives and go away again which is just part of Life, or maybe that is Aloneness, and Loneliness is.

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Cannot get to sleep. Oh, Mark. I know I did all this Will he call, wont he call? But even then it was different. I knew him so well, Id known him since I was running round his parents lawn with no clothes on.

He used to have conversations with me when he was sleeping. Thats when I could nd out what he was really feeling inside. That dark, handsome face, sleeping on the pillow. Are you lovely?

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Does your mummy love you? Very sad, now, trying to say no through his sleep. Mark Darcy, the big powerful human rights lawyer, and inside, the little damaged boy, sent away to boarding school at seven. Do I love you? Id say. And then he would smile in his sleep, happy, proud, nod his head, pull me to him, snuggle me under his arm. We knew each other inside out, back to front. Mad About the Boy , is not only sharp and humorous. Bridget-the-parent is like a character in a Russian novel, lurching constantly from ecstasy to despair, sometimes in the course of a single paragraph.

Its big heart, incisive observations, nice sentences, vivid characters and zippy pace make it a book you could happily spend the night with. It is possible I cried a little at the end, but then, as Bridget might say: I loved it. I loved her. Complete meltdown. Why am I even bothering? And Bridget is still recognizably her ditzy but ultimately unfazable self. Our favorite hapless heroine returns after a decade-plus hiatus, juggling two kids, potential boyfriends, smug marrieds, rogue gadgets, and her nascent Twitter feed.

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Continue shopping Checkout Continue shopping. Chi ama i libri sceglie Kobo e inMondadori. Buy the eBook Price: Choose Store. Is it wrong to lie about your age when online dating? Is it morally wrong to have a blow-dry when one of your children has head lice?

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Overall rating 3. Yes No Thanks for your feedback! Report as inappropriate. Doesn't disappoint! Wickedly witty ;- … Show more Show less.